Welcome to Goosie's Problem Page!
Do you need advice on relationships?
Goosie will publish her free online advice (for what it's worth) regarding love and relationship problems here.
Goosie will also give free advice on any issue that strikes your fancy. You can't shock Goosie. She has heard it all, seen it all, and possibly done it all.
Dear Goosie:
Hi, My girlfriend and I have been dating for a year and a bit, although we've been best friends and dated before, so our relationship has lasted about 3 years. We make out a lot, but that is just about all we do. I am not very confident in make out sessions I guess and I usually let her take initiative/lead. Last night she said that she would like to go farther than what we've been doing. I said 'sex' and she said not that far. What is our next step?
Smart but Dumb
Dear Smart but Dumb:
If you can’t figure it out …let HER take initiative/lead.”
Goosie
Dear Goosie:
I am currently in an 18 month relationship with my girlfriend Celine, she is away in university about 2 hours away, but we cope with the distance.
Recently (last 4-5 weeks) she has been very stressed with exams. Also the main problem is that my dad is an alcoholic. Up until now I have coped with it, however recently I have been border line depressed and not there for Celine. Also I haven't treated her as well as I used to, such as not taking an interest in her and being quite selfish. But I have admitted to all of this and promised not to let my dad’s drinking get to me anymore. We have never had any serious problems up until this recent 4 week problem patch.
I have been working really hard in the last few days to better myself and hopefully make her believe that I can be the person she fell in love with again.
Currently she is away in Uni for 1 more week and we have cut all conversation to give her space until then. I have one meeting with her when she is home to try and change the way things are going. I will take her to our favorite spot and hopefully she will see after this time apart that there is a chance we can make it work.
I cannot blame her for wanting rid of me as it is my fault I let my dads problems get to me over the last month. Other than that our relationship has been amazing. I really don’t want to lose her and have to do something the day we meet in 9-10 days to convince her things can return to normal, although I hope her missing me and thinking about all the good times will help persuade her WE are worth working on.
Saving Relationship
Dear Saving Relationship:
Substance abuse can wreak havoc on a family. Nothing you can do will be fixed in a few days.
Dealing with your dad’s drinking by “not letting it get to you” is just not possible. It will get to you one way or another.
You have 2 options:
- Seek guidance: Either a group such as Al-Anon or a professional (psychologist, etc.) can show you what tools you need to start repairing any emotional damage before it goes any further.
- Don’t do anything: Live and (hopefully) learn from your mistakes. However, this could take a whole lifetime, and for the time being, you will either become, or continue to be “damaged goods” and less than 100% of your potential. This means that your girlfriend will probably want to move on from you and your problems to someone who has it more together.
Having said all of this, Goosie’s advice is this:
- Try to “deal and heal” yourself with some kind of outside help.
- Work on getting your act together before getting together with someone else.
Concerning your present relationship: “If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it’s yours forever. If it doesn’t, then it was never meant to be.”
Good Luck,
Goosie
Dear Goosie:
I like my guy best friend, we flirt, but he tells our friends that he doesn’t like me; but then he will flirt with me even more, then he’ll tell me that he likes another girl whom I don’t really like, then he goes on facebook and adds me as a sister. Is he trying to get to me? I don’t know what to do this has been going on for about a year! Help I’ll take any advice!
Dazed and Confused
Dear Dazed and Confused:
Just take him at his word for it if he tells your friends that he doesn’t like you - more than a friend (?). However, if you want to be certain about his feelings for you, find yourself a guy that YOU are interested in (or who is interested in YOU) and be sure to talk, talk, talk about him to your "guy best friend" and see how he reacts.
Goosie
Dear Goosie:
I dated this girl awhile ago. I have always been there for her and she screwed up our friendship by dating a guy who I told her was a player. We stayed mad at each other for sometime, until she sent me a huge apology text saying she wants to be friends again. She told my friend not long after that that she liked me and wanted to ask me out but was afraid of rejection. Well I was tired of her just waiting around, so i asked her out, and to my surprise, she said her dad (very protective being a single parent) wasn't going to let her date until next year. So we have been texting, but sometimes find things get boring over text, nothing to talk about sometimes since we have no classes together. I had one of her best girlfriends ask her about me and she told her that I was "Annoying to text." But this can't be true because she leads all of the conversation even when I'm ready to drop it. So I got mad and unfriended her on Myspace. And she asked why I did that even though she told her best friend I was "Annoying." So I am asking you why does she still care if I unfriended her? I haven't talked to her since and its been a month. So I am asking for your help. I was a little too aggressive now and I know that (when she liked me) So what should I do? Apologize even though I’m not at fault just to make things better....Or ???????
Dear ???????,
Quit beating yourself up thinking that you’ve done something wrong. She sounds immature and possibly a little screwy.
I would stay in neutral gear with how you interact with her; if she is part of your group of friends, just keep your interaction with her to the bare minimum. (Don’t show her strong emotions either way, like by “unfriending her on My Space”)
SHE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU and unless she is the only girl left in the world, don’t waste any more time on this one. There has got to be someone out there who is a better match for you. You deserve better.
Goosie
P.S. Find something you are good at to fill your free time; and don’t feel pressured into texting if you have nothing to say.
Dear Goosie:
How do i get someone I like to like me again. I made one mistake in my life and kissed someone else...I was mad what he said to me and had a lot of drink. i just want to win my ex back.
One Mistake
Dear One Mistake:
Apologize for your actions. However, be honest and explain that his words hurt you deeply and that is why you kissed someone else (I don't know if you should use "drinking" as any part of your excuse for bad behavior; only if you were drugged and unconscious, in which case, I would suggest that you get help for that problem first)
There are so many things you didn’t say which could have a bearing on my advice. � But generally speaking, an honest apology would be a good start if the two of you are meant to be together.
Good Luck,
Goosie